Google Glasses: Appropriate? Awesome?!

ZOMG ...

Yes, like everyone, I am waiting to see if Project Glass by Google will be a wonderful, futuristic view into the world around us OR an absolute catastrophe due to the excessive distractions it may employ.

You know what, I don't care.  It's not any more distracting that texting while walking into traffic.  At least this time we're looking up and in the general direction while doing it.  What I'm really excited for is how I'm going to personalize it!  Is this going to be my opportunity to make notes that pop up at me every time I pass a bar that I've frequented?

GLASS NOTE: "Don't forget ... vom in the already trashed bathrooms!"

Or will it give me a chance to use my note-doodling smart phone to add little funny-drawn comments by my personalized Google Street View Snapshots?

GLASS SNAP: Politician I'm not fond of
GLASS DOODLE: "Wang."

Yes it will truly be my world, I can just see it (if I don't get hit by a car wearing them)!  There's a cute-sy heart-dotted swear word over everything I don't like.  There's commands in my own sassy voice telling me not to miss out on one hell of a up of coffee, "Left bitch!" And maybe my Google Glasses will even have me ready for a philosophical conversation with Hobo Lauren (one of my favorite street peeps in MSP), where my Glasses will pop up all the hobo signs I wrote to have a daily showdown with him...

GLASS NOTE: Hobo signs for Lauren:
"You think this just happens? $ please"
"Feel good about yourself and give me money"
"Fortune Fridays––your dollar is a fortune to me"
"(no words just a picture of me looking sad)"
"So Po'. $?"

Anyway––Project Glass... show me why I should buy you! Honestly, having an instructional video in my face, on command, on how to do the Dougie will probably be convincing enough for me. Although the camera hidden in my very eyewear certainly peaks my curiosity as well.

WWPD? (What will Pepsi do?)

They're beautiful––'nough said.  Actually no, there's plenty more to say...

With the Jean Paul Gaultier fashion designer Diet Coke bottles loose to impress upon the masses with the glory of Madonna-loving stripes, and more than a hint of naughty burlesque... how the "H-E-Double" is Pepsi going to compete?

Personally with Pepsi recent Michael Jackson can, how's about a little kick back to Coke with a lil' "hee-hee!" and a scannable batch of cans that are not only dressed up in one of MJ's classic album cover costumes, but with a free song from that particular album as well  (yeah!)

Have to say though, I wouldn't mind if Pepsi answered back with a Tosh.o cardigan collector's can––in fact let's make that happen, and then link it to several semi-serious and highly fashionable collector pics of Tosh being weird and naughty in the Gaultier fashion line.  Because I think we all love it when these two brands play it prank-style with each other.

In fact let's get Dr. Pepper in on this––I can see them doing this with Tosh (pretty please).

Beautiful, French yet reminds me of “Taxi Driver”

“Alma” is a beautifully rendered tale of a modern, snow pants-clad little lady in what is most likely Paris, noticing a doll that exactly resembles her. The story ends horrifically with her becoming the doll, trapped with the previous duped children and then the story repeats itself with another kid. The animation was stunning, very Pixar and beyond anything else I could not take my gaze away from the ridiculous resemblance of the girl to Taxi Driver’s 13-year-old Jodie Foster.

It could have been the green eyes or shaggy blonde hair flipped slightly, but it was probably that undeniable gap between the 2 front teeth that sealed the deal. I kept waiting to hear prostitute lines like, “Haven’t you heard of the fem movement,” or “Don’t you wanna make it?” fly out of the sweet, animated and apple-biting-through-a-picket-fence-mouth (thanks Queen Edel). At any given time I expected a Pixar-styled Robert Di nero with that bo-ho, battle-to-the-death Mohawk to come out guns blazing at the doll store in order to protect the Jodie look-alike from turning. It was all very surreal, but I managed to swallow the film, pop-cultured vision and enjoy the reel for what it was: France’s less provocative version of Jodie Fosters innocence being swallowed, rather than her innocence swallowing everything else.

Hand Job Inspires Exercise Equipment

It’s all the rage, and for women and men alike. The Shake Weight exploded all over the web this week in attempts to catch the world’s eye with its muscle defining force. The now popular Youtube video explains that the double-fisted grasp technique defines every arm muscle that ever had the potential to reveal unwholesome habits. Using ‘dynamic inertia’ and the exhilarated facial expressions made by demonstrators the Shake Weight burst onto the exercise scene will full force, and now leaves only the mental image of a shake weight in each hand to the imagination.

Crowdsourcing

Oct. 5th marked the day that 10 of the brightest and best bio-chemists came together to hash out the title for what was to be one of the deadliest military weapons known to man.

The bleak Monday morning meeting came to a point of sheer excitement when leading chemist Robert F. Concheirne discovered the perfect way to title the new bio-weapon. It needs to, “pop and strike fear into the heart-purposed cavities of the Middle-East and other neighboring nations.” The anti-social, lab rats began shouting both unique and pop-worthy phrases that could come to name such a fearing and destructible method of death. One eager, young chemist reported to feeling emotions he hadn’t experienced since the one and only time he caught a glimpse of a real female breast from a minimum of one hundred yards.

After what became too long to maintain decent enthusiasm for such a creative project the science-clad posse decided to take after the current methods that have come to replace the naming talent of Advertising greats. “We’ll hold a contest!” exclaimed the lead chemist. Brands do it, and see nothing but success and pure public affection. The least of the enthused showed his colors for discontentment after his recent encounter with the Stride Long-lasting gum naming contest, and felt that he would once again feel the permanent sting of, “closed contest due to technical glitches”. After several months of claiming to have prize money for the finalists, the scientific group followed suit with past naming games by sending fifteen packages of Stride gum to their top ten public suggestees.

Made with love to the Harry Potter fan...

It was the best of films, and the worst of people.
Door opens to reveal a sad soul widdling a wand in a dark corner…

The Harry Potter movies bring out the best in the imagination, and the worst in the petty department. With the recent rise in ‘promises to see the movie together’, the rate of passive aggressive ‘hater’ behaviors is on a climactic incline.

Recently two fans sought out to see the movie together.
“The actual seeing of the movie promise takes about two weeks,” say local Minneapolis Harry Potter fans. “You have to first swear each other in with a promise ceremony.” Usually consisting of a half hour of badgering into the other that the absolutely WILL NOT see the movie for the first time without the 'promisee'.

The friend pair in question not only consummated the initial promise with a verbal ceremony, but solidified the deal with a blood oath, so as to seal the deal. This is customary in the mid-western groups, social circles, and tribes of the Illinoise, Iowa, and Minnesota area. The idea is to be ‘nice’ at all times no matter what has happened. Someone cracks you in the back of the head with a baseball bat, you answer back with a, “my that was a good swing, etc.” The same applies to someone attempting to crack open your heart by seeing the Harry Potter movie with another for the first time.

“Like virginity. You intend it to be with that special someone you’ve been in a relationship with, but more likely than not, you’ll ho yourself out to the first willing and able party if you’re horny enough for the event to be.”

Needless to say, one of the pair sought out to see the film on the first night of it’s opening, with or without the other. The biggest enemy to people keeping secrets is posting every thought bubble about the potential betrayal on popular social pages like facebook, twitter, etc. 

"It's too damn addictive, and deadly to the secret keeper.  It's our generational let-down for scandal get-aways." The other party is bound to find out.  This of course leads to an over-indulgence of the MOST passive-aggressive behaviors such as: wand-widdling, Harry Potter-mix-tape-car-listening, and finally the wand gifting while whispering,.. “I know what you did!” The ultimate point of the situation is the forgiveness stage, in order to forget and repeat the process at a future date.

Onlookers have this to say about the mid-western style handling of the Harry Potter incident; “I’m thinking about moving.” More to come,…

Creative Duo Takes Idea to the Top- and the E.R.

Tragedy struck an up and coming downtown ad agency last Wednesday afternoon. Frustrated by the ongoing popularity of the new ‘social media’ wave, a decently popular Art Director- Copywriter team was taken to the emergency room. Paramedics reported both victims to be ‘riddled’ with wounds that were identified as ‘foil inflictions’.

Apparently the dynamic duo attempted to relive the ‘epic’ quality of the advertising life they’d come to admire for the past decade. After a two-hour martini lunch, and a preparatory night-out, to be experienced later with the clients, the team decided that the most heroic and memorable idea they could come up with was a tin-foil sword fight. This, along with the helmets to match and latte mote around the shared desk space was the setting for what was to become the new campaign for Sir Henry’s Goblet, a dining experience for chicken lovers and Renaissance fans.

Security cameras uncovered the series of events, and “ye olde poor English” that led to the injuries. The building’s night janitor claimed to have called 9-1-1 immediately after hearing a voice proclaim, “Sir Mac Millian! There IS no ROI for twittering the fairness of the breast on the plate, nor of ye maiden server girl!” Followed by a “ha!” and large crash after which there was only crying and the smell of chicken and ale. The condition of both parties remains unknown, but the evidence of the creativity left behind has inspired yet another win for the infamous pair.